2005-07-25. I am sad tonight. I don't know why really...
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Some wave of sad has landed on me. I think it's due to the oppressive LA collective. I may have reached the saturation point of the horrible politics of social lives in this city. A always kept me distant from it by the fact that he and I could always retreat and leave it all where it lie. He hates the digital drama and I never realized how much of it I was shielded from. I feel like I have been muking through the swamp and I have trails of algae stuck on my heels and sloshing behind me. I don't like it.

I don't like these people who are the truest form of viper and vampire (and I don't mean that in the gothest of senses). People who can't exsist for the good of themselves while considering others. People who have wiped the traces of their souls away. Back biting, revenge and selfishness is weighing an invisible hand on me tonight and I don't like it.

I need to go back to where I came from. Back into the shadows. Only now it may be a lonlier place than it's been in the past. But that may have to be how it is. However I have to fight to keep myself from playing the "thermonuclear attack" version which always is the simple answer for me. I need to be logical about what I need, what is good, what is worth saving in my life and the rest of the cotton candy filler that stickys up the lining needs to be flushed away.

Take action.
Take responsibility.
Take the reigns on myself.

I don't want to wake up 10 years from now and wonder what the fuck I have been doing with my time. And right now that is the way it's looking...