2000-11-27. more job gushing, and a word on love, art and human existance
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Yet another Monday at Homogonized Fashion NY. The guy I'm working for today is running very late and seems to not know the password to his computer, so I am doing what I can at the moment. Thanksgiving was very nice. Went to a friends' and ate lots and drank lots...We move on friday, I can't wait. I'm hoping it'll draw us both out of our funk that has seemed to come over us lately. A feeling of being trapped. Almost like being in a giant hamster wheel. I'm hoping having a sense of personal space and freedom is something that will lift it. i also need to be involved with some type of theatre project. I need something to make me feel like i'm in it. at least a little bit. I also think I'm going to tell my temp agency to go F themseves and find a new one... Maybe. I need the money too bad to really screw around. But I think I can get what I need from some other place.

My audition for the Shakespeare Festival went well. I felt pretty good about it. It felt good to DO something for a change. I felt a bit alive again. I really feel incomplete without theatre in my life. I have to be breathing in those little particles of life that blow around in an evironment where art lives and thrives...

And can I just say how good I feel when I wake up at night and look over at Alyx. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's like an elixar that I can drink and feel at peace and so joyful. When he's not feeling well, I get all bent out of shape trying to make him better like he does to me. I just hope I can keep him around for a long time. I pray he doesn't wake up one day and realize I'm really nuts.

Food for thought:

"...when individuals are crushed into a sameness, they become unhappier and worse off; their perceptions deteriorate and they are less creative. When true uniqueness and individuality are restored to people, they regain their vitality and creativity."

I sit at this desk and realize that the photos of my beloved friends and memories are curling and shrinking in the wash of the florescant lamp that glows over my papers and pens and office supplies. I think about what it could possibly be doing to my brain. Sucking the marrow of life? Perhaps... I think I really just long for the SUN. I get to my daily torture very early in the growth of the day. The world kind of a gray tone. And I leave in the darkness. My apartment leaves no room for sunlight with window AC units in every room and blinds blinding the occupants. The neglect of the stucture seeps into our brains infecting as it goes. We long to go out and breathe air that doesn't feel contaminated, air that belongs to no one. Breathe the freedom. Breathe for everyone...