2000-12-19. Holiday cheer and tree decorating
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Why does my diary have the wrong time? I always have to change it... Grrrr...
Alyx and I went shopping last night for xmas ornaments. It was an intersting night. Good and stressful and now we're really broke. We got some great stuff though. We found a Bettie Page ornament and where I normally wouldn't pay $20 for one, she's so cute in her leopard print bikini in sexy stretch pose. I think she's tied for our favorite. The other in the tie is actually not an ornament, but we made it one. It's a figurine of the Misfit Toys from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. They're so cute! It's the doll, the gun that shoots jam and the train with the square wheels. We also got a set of figurines of 'The Endless' characters and Alyx made them into ornaments as well. We spent a shitload of money though, relatively speaking. We also got thin blue lights with tiny bulbs and clear deep purple glass balls. So our tree looks good...
It's strange though. There's not much color on our tree. A few deep set silver balls I had from before. Bettie is brightly painted, so is my tinkerbell. But the purple balls are so dark, and the 'endless' figures are pretty dark. And not to mention our apartment is dimly lit to begin with. Hmmm... I just think we did a good job inadvertantly making our tree really speak about us. We have ornaments of:
**Desire, Despair, Dreams, Delirium, Destruction, Destiny and then there's Death...
**Sexy Pinup Girl
**Misfit Toys
**Tinkerbell
**Photo of my dog and Santa :)
**Photo of Me, Mike (wearing trash bag outfits of my own design) and Kelly Jean - on a giant crayon colored bell with glitter glued on it. (KJ made it - i love it, it's so cheesy!)
**a mini 6 pack of beer with a holly bough on it
**a glittery black high heel
** wierd alien coming out of a file cabinet in a santa hat. The cabinet reads "X"mas Files...It was a gift... I had to do it - It's the X Files!
You get the idea... Our ornaments show our always always having felt out of place, our romanticism, my sometimes sick/lame humor (I still may sneak my Michael Bolton ball on...)Looking at it, you can feel it. It twinkles quietly. Ornaments and lights not glaring at you. Overall kind of rough around the edges. Lots of hidden goodies. The only presents below are from my parents. We are sharing our gifts for each other.Gifts for "us". Happy for the togetherness of them. I did buy some stuff from Hot Topic which should come gift wrapped to put out under the tree. A long sleeved shirt for him, 2 sweaters for me, and a photo album I want to put pictures of us in. It's a Nightmare Before Christmas one... I wish there was another shirt for him. I just didn't find any. The guys clothes can be pretty cheesy there. I just wanted something.
Of course, after all the cash we spent last night, I wish I hadn't...
We went into Macy's. Eh. We were not excited. Actually we were just cranky. We were very hungry and tired after trekkng through the village and then 34th St. We got new shoes. I love Payless. We each got work shoes. $15 each! Love it! Then we ate and had terrible service and she got pissy that we only left her 10%. People are so stupid. It takes a lot for me to only leave that much. And we're not gonna be happy when 5 people who arrived after us got served and ate before us. Grrr..
I hate walking around 34th street. All the dummies are aut and wandering, sauntering. lost. stupid. I guess I always am going at a breakneck speed, I wish everyone else around me would do the same. Or really just pay attention!
Alyx said something yesterday about the whole tree and decor being for me. He calls himself the Grinch. But I see the look in his eyes. He went out and spent what small cash he had on him the other day on pine boughs and holly. On his own. We finished decorating the tree last night and we were admiring it and I say to him, "You wanna put on the star?" I felt him kinda light up - trying to play it off.
When we started decorating he wanted to put the star on midway. I was like "no way! that's last!" He didn't even know... I feel lucky to have always had xmas. Even when my family was fighting like cats and dogs. Christmas was our time. I don't think he's ever had that feeling and that's why he's never done anything. His Dad had his polished and impersonal works of art trees and no love and togetherness. You don't get time to create a living changing entity in your house throughout the year like you do every December. Every year it's different. Every year yours. Every year you get to relive all the years past.
Maybe THAT's why people get so sad. If you haven't been happy with life, why do you want the reminder every year? So get out there and make it your own. Pave your own happy memories. You've got to start somewhere, start now! Last year we didn't have time to get or decorate a tree. So I threw some lights in the corner and hung the ornaments Dave bought on them. We called it the Christmas corner. Jen and I had great plans for our artsy light display outside. We had so much fun designing it! (Unfortunately all the people in the city bought the good colored lights up from EVERY store we went to! And it was a whole color scheme, it was extensive). But I'll never forget it.
I'll never forget our bust of a tree decorating party the year before which garnered what dumb ornaments I have. Or the turkey I cried and cried while cooking. My puppy... My sachets... As a kid putting lights up with my sister and my dad. I wish I could be doing it with him this year, too. I'm just glad to see Alyx enjoying it. I always love this month. And as wierd as it is to have your birthday so close to xmas, I'm so glad for it.
I'll stop now. This got long!