2000-12-20. Rooted in insanity...
=======
What a life. It's so strange. Part of me (a big part of me) wants to stay in this town. I want to plant roots. I've been wanting to do that for a long time, I've just always been so unhappy with my abode. Now I love it - I WILL love it, once we can work on it. But if we're going to go to LA, why should we work on it? I wish I could say what I was doing. Well, actually, I know EXACTLY what I'm doing. Nothing. I am going to shoot 'Gifted' - that'll be good. I think I may start to have a better idea after that. Our lease is only six months, so we have freedom. I think that's what's scary - is the freedom to go. I'd like to stay and oay off our debt first. I'm just worried about getting too old for movies. I don't look as youthful as some people I know who aren't taking advantage of it (hello!! Teen market out there!). Drugs'll do that I guess. I don't mind my life being in flux, but I think I need a home, a comfortable place to come home to. I know that sounds really elementary, but I feel lacking in that area and I have to start from scratch. Which is good and bad.

Moving at Christmas is just too hard. I just want to have money/time to do things. Maybe before I go to Floida for 'Gifted' I'll just take the time to build some cubbies and mini shelves. Yes. Or what I REALLY wish I could do would be to do it next week so all the junk is out of the way for the party. Hmmm... We're just so broke though. We'll need that check. Maybe not. Maybe I can figure something out.

Maybe I can get the bookshelf I found tomorrow...

I guess the question really is, which is MORE important, money or sanity... The trouble when you take the time off to aquire the sanity, you don't get money, which breeds insnaity. And, when you work to have the funds for the projects which give you sanity, you never have the time to do them.

So I guess we're doomed to either be broke and insane or comfortable and insane...Cuz if you get a lot of money you become insane trying to spend it all...

So I guess we just gotta suck it up, cuz we're all goin' nuts...