2001-01-31. What might have been the worst night of fun of my life
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Well guys. It's been a fucked up past day and a half... I felt the first ever edging of mutual tension and edgyness betwixt Alyx and myself. I was like, "great he's mad at me about something and I'm too mad about shit to really deal with it". Turns out we were just both on edge and pissed of becuase or the same thing. So, no worries kids. Our first fight didn't happen yesterday.

What am I talking about? You ask. (I'm used to that question! HA!)

Well here's the story:

I'll take my story back to Monday where it all began. I met a friend ("GS")post-work who I haven't seen in a while, with no real plan, but to spend a little time together. Being mutually poor we got some coffee and fries ("fries with coffee!?") with our combined $12.

We were in SoHo - there's no hope for a cheap meal in Soho.

Sooo. Alyx meets us as well. He has to be at work at 11. It was like 7, and a friend of ours from the club ("AH")wanted to take us out to dinner, and we had thought that GS and AH would maybe be good together, besides the fact that one knows of places in his building available, and the other needs an aprtment. Now, I've never been the matchmaker type, but I figured, if anything, he has a new friend, too...

AH cancels on dinner due to phone company something, so we decide to try and second act Chicago since TimeOut said it was playing, even though it's a Monday.

----> Explaination for non-theatre goers:

*Monday is generally a "Dark Day" due to it being the Actors Union day off

*Second Acting a show is where you hang out front ans smoke cigarettes until intermission where you smoke with all the people who rush out for a cigarette and then join the back of the crowd and sit in an empty seat and watch the second act. I've tried once before. We really wanted to see Jeckyll and Hyde with Sebatian Bach (hey - it's Sebastian f'in Bach!) but it was crazy sold out so we left. Sad.<----

So we show up and whaddaya know, no Chicago. I was pissed cuz I just want to see Bebe Neworth and she's only going to be in it until March 1st and I'll be gone till Feb 27 AND don't have 50 bucks to see it anyway...

And we're broke. But Alyx has three dollars, so our combined total is now $15 and some quarters I had. (Oh, the bartender at Jerry's didn't charge us for our coffee and fries since I used to work there and Alyx is tiling the bathroom) Still we don't have a good amount for beer. But we realize we could buy a six pack or two and drink it somewhere. But where could we drink them? Then we realize that we are on our friend AH's (the one who bailed on dinner) street, so we'll see if he'll want company and beer. He says OK, so we get some cheap beer and go over. We're having a lovely time in his really fucking tiny apartment. (It's just a little bigger than my bathroom - no shit) Drinking, smoking talking about my River Pheonix obession.

We talked about a great number of things that night. But not everything, apparently.

So Alyx goes off to work. Which makes me sad. I walk him down to the train, and head back. Feeling pretty good.

I come back, and they're cuddling. Hmmm. Okay. So we hang out for a bit, and we talk about my friend (RW) who lost his virginity to his stepbrother at 12 and had an affair with him for 5 years, how he got banned from some club here in NY for giving a guy a blowjob on the dance floor of a club while the crowd cheered him on (he doesn't remember a thing, of course, friends told him what happened)AND how he got crabs one night at this same club, blah,blah,blah. I love RW...So, AH recounts his crabs story - crashing at someone's house, they were in the mattress. Whatever. We talked about lots of stuff is my point.

So at some point around 2ish I know I need to go home. I know GS has to work at 9, too. So AH excuses himself to the bathroom (which is at the end of the hall, so it's a walk and far from earshot), and I tell GS that I'm gonna go. I say to him that I can make an excuse to go alone, or he can come. He says he kinda would like to stay since work is MUCH closer to AH's house than his place and it's real late. He says he doesn't really think he wants to have sex, but he wants to crash, so he'll stay. I bow out, AH, sad that I'm going and all that, walks me out (gets locked out, had to call someone to get him in...) And I begin the lonely drunken trek home - in my work shoes. Yuck.

I get home and there's a message from my friend Amanda saying that Jodi (due on the 12th) had a c section and had the baby around 8 that evening!! (6lbs, 11 oz, 19 inches long... :)...) So I was REAL excited (and drunk) and I call Alyx, leave Mike a message, I wanted to call my mom and my sister, but it was almost 4, so I didn't... And I go to sleep.

Alyx comes home around 7:30 and he says that AH called him looking for me around 4:45 am (he called the house and didn't say anything on the machine, too, I was asleep). So I shrugged, called him a drunk fuck and went back to sleep.

Around 8:45 I am awoken to a phone call from GS. He says something and talks about how AH is "sick". I'm thinking, extreme bondage? What? That's not sick. Then he says that AH has HIV. And didn't tell GS until after they had sex. So I'm FREAKING and ask if they were careful and he says that it doesn't matter because "there was a bite and it bled". I'm stunned. Apparently AH didn't even offer the information up, GS said that he "guessed" afterwards because of AH's behavior. AH said "there was no chance to tell you". Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. GS says he's calling into work to go to a clinic. I offer to meet him. He declines. I offer again. He says no. We hang up.

I stay up for about 45 minutes fretting. Then Alyx gets a call saying that one of his paychecks is ready, and before he goes back to sleep I tell him what happened (he slept through the call), and that's when I start to sob. He's immediately freaked and alarmed, he holds me very very close as I sob myself back to sleep.

11:30 - Update: too soon for test. You have to wait a month, then go back in three and test again. I said I'd go with him...But they told him to go to the emergency room and lie a little and they could give him something that MAY help. They said he was "low risk"... Whatever.

1:30 - I go with Sandra (nieghbor - not our new scary one I have to tell you about) to the bank and things so I can drop her car back off at home - no place to park in town and it's pouring out. So we get Alyx's check and give her $200 of the rent. At least it's something so the floor's gas payment won't bounce. Grrr.

6:00 - home at last. Alyx is tired, and we're both on edge. I really hadn't eaten in the past two days. I'm REAL punchy and scared.

6:05 - Update. GS is onto hospital #2. He didn't lie enough so he only got 3 days worth of pills. Needs 30. Onto another place. His phone battery dies.

Our cell phone rings. It's AH. Alyx lets the voice mail handle it. He wants us to call him back. He's at a friends. His cell is out of order.

Alyx and I eat. He naps before work. I call mom and ask for money. I cry on the phone because I feel badly. She says it's okay and I can pay her back when I can.

The cell phone rings while I'm on with my mom, I hop up and check it. Alyx yells at it, not realizing my mom's on the line still. Oops. It's a strange number, so we don't answer. They don't leave a message.

That number called about three more times that night. No messages. We knew it was AH. I had told Alyx that I couldn't possibly speak with him. I had nothing to say that would be productive, and until I do, I don't want to talk to him. I ask why he's opting to not speak to him (knowing Alyx appreciates opportunities to scream at people). He said he doesn't want to talk to him until he's sure of what he's going to say. He's extremely pissed of and says that he WILL talk to him, just not quite yet. I tell him that I was hoping to be around when he does. I want to hear the conversation. I almost want it to be in person.

How can you do that to someone? I am so in shock still, I can't even talk about my feelings on it yet. I'm so upset and sick over it I can't believe it.

So that's been my past day and a half. I'm here at work. The cranky smoking lady got mad at me because he calls are not transferring right and they get hung up on. But it seems that hers were the only ones... Don't be so quick to point fingers...

I want a cigarette. My throat hurts. I may be getting ill. Which if I am, it better come tomorrow, it would be my luck to get really sick when I have a movie to make. I want it to be over NOW! I want a lot to be over now.