2001-04-06. Movies are the raft I cling to
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Type, type, type...

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Fax some stuff...

Watched Pi again last night. That movie's brilliant. Made me think about the spiral of life, math and patterns. I keep thinking about how if you're in the spiral - the magic rectangle - like it IS life, how you swing around and around, but keep coming back to the same side, only a little further out. But you're running alongside of it, the track one step inside the spiral. You have perspective on it. You can look over and see it, closer than before

I just wonder how big these spirals are. I mean am I at the side near 6 years ago? Is the rotation that large? Probibly. I mean your hair changes every seven years. Maybe you do too. Or maybe not change, but complete a cycle around the spiral...

I also rented Brain Candy again the other night. God that movie is brilliant. I love those Kanooks so fucking much. It made me pause on life too... "maybe we're not supposed to be happy all the time" Kevin McDonald's doctor character says in the end. I think he's right. But I still could use some Gleeminex right now. Coma or no. And I wonder... What did Stummies do you? Anyone?

As you may have guessed we rent a lot of movies in our reclusive broke existance. And it really hurts that the only video store is a CockThruster aka Blockbuster video. I hate them. Enemy to cinema. And my hatred runs deeper every day. Festering as a cancerous cell on my artist deep inside. Eating away at the brains of millions. Cecil B. Demented possesses my brain with thoughts of violence just walking by the doorway.

Demented for-ever!!

We are constantly going in there looking for whatever movie every other day practically. And I've been disappointed so many times... Mrs. Parker, Babe, Brazil, all these movies they don't carry anymore... Grrr... Well last night was the topper, the last straw.

THEY DID NOT HAVE THE PRINCESS BRIDE

That's a crime. I was walking around the store huffing and puffing, yelling and cursing. I can't believe that place. I hate them. They carry the worst shit. I hate my nieghborhood for having such poor taste.

It burns me... Burns me to a cinder...

Alyx has *never* seen it, which I also find a crime. So I ordered it. I may not pick it up... Just to spite them. Find it elsewhere.

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I feel like there is this continual manic scream surrounding me at all times. Like if you walked within a two foot radius of me your ears will be pierced with my harpy-like screech...

Speaking of pierced. I am itching for a new one. I am just so damn terrified of the pain involved with getting my nipples done. Yikes. I also may want my lip done. But I have no money to do either anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter regardless. *sighs*

I'm going out this weekend. Living a bit. Show tonight, maybe hanging out tomorrow, show on Sunday. Fun. I'm glad. And other than the rainy weather today, it's been warming up. Lets hope the rain doesn't cool us off again.

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Which brings me to the talk I was going to have with Alyx last night. I didn't. He made another attempt at fixing the windows from leaking (we'll see if it worked tonight), he dug out and hung up the vast yardage of theatre drapery to block out the sun and keep us cooler as it warms up , he tried drilling a drainhole out in the hall by the worst leaky spots to keep it from seeping in our place and he siliconed the wall between us and the hall so it won't seep under, too.

I couldn't bring it up. He did so much.

Mike put it beautifully to Alyx yesterday: You're just trying to preserve your ecosystem of love... Hell yeah, puss, hell yeah...

I wish I had gotten a counter for "days without Gas in our apartment"... We're at about 3 weeks... I've decided I smell kind of like an old lady does. I hate the way they smell... Maybe that's what's wrong. Maybe once I get a really good shower I'll feel so much better...

I for was feeling testy and was kind of cranky and teary when I got home last night... I was babbling about some idea I had about the move that I decided was stupid and all that, and he says to me, "Don't you give up on me" That made me feel better deep inside, but I still was crying anyway.