2001-08-01. My humiliation
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So I said I would update the next day, but the DSL was all fucked at work and I couldn't get on, so I apologize to any who were excited at reveling in my stupidity. So here it is:

I get to work and it seems like my boss Steve is in a mood, we have and early party that's going on when I get here. Sure no problem, I'll just be extra sweet and spot-on with my shit...

So Steve says he needs the office for about an hour, so I have to answer phones in the loud ass coat check. Okay. It works out well because there was a scheduling snafu and the coat check girl wasn't scheduled to come in early for the party, so I *learn* coat check (as if there's much to learn) and do both. I actually got $3 in tips too for 45 minutes of work. Cool.

So I go into the office at about 9:30 which leaves me about a half an hour to do the guest lists and count out the tickets. No problem, right?

Then I realize the office phone's ringer is turned off. Hmm, that's wierd. So I spend about 10 minutes trying to figure out this seemingly simple task. Ugh. Can't. Okay, so I call upstairs and surrender to asking for help.

Me: "hey is Megan up there?" - it's her desk technically...

Steve: *gruffly* "who want's to know??"

M: I do!

S: Why??

M: I need to know how to turn the ringer back on the phone down here!

S: Take the thumb on your right hand and put it on your nose, and take the other and shove it up your ass!

Tigra (other manager upstairs) *laughing*: Call us back if that doesn't work!

Okay... Grrr...

So fine, I'll just watch it for when the lights on the ringing lines come on.

Then the girl who needs the guest lists comes in. I tell her I 'm almost done. She says she'll come back in five. Cool. Then I realize that the lists were somehow fed back through the fax machine and are printed on both sides!! AHHHHH!! So I'm frantically trying to copy them so they are one sided, since we're opening now!

And then the phone rings from the upstairs office.

S: Hey it's Steve - I'm expecting a really important call from a guy named Richard Hertz from a company called hyr%^&#. Find me wherever I am in the club AS SOON AS HE CALLS! If not it's your ass.

I can't understand the company name, but hey, I got the name. I'll be fine, right?

So then, I'm still copying and now the maitre d' needs the table reserves, too. Okay, breathe.

Ring, Ring! *and no, for those of you from UCF - it WASN'T Zaphrod Beeblebrox, I wish it were*

It's the upstairs office - that ringer is on.

Megan: Hey, Steve is expecting a really important call from this guy Richard Hertz from ggyu^&%, if you don't find him, he'll fire you Mandi, I'm serious. I know the ringer is not working, but watch the phones! Seriously...

Okay, sure, fine.

Ring Ring!

Tigra: Mandi, I don't know if you know, but Steve's excpecting a really important call, don't fuck this up Mandi.

OKAY!

*still copying* The REAL phone lights up...

Me: Hello, Spa.

Man: *Frantic sounding* Hi this in Dick Hertz, I need Steve now.

Me: *calm, demure* Sure hold on one moment Mr Hertz

I dial upstairs:

Me: Hi, is Steve up there?

Tigra: No, you'd better find him Mandi - GO!

SHIT! And I notice I have no radio tonight. Okay. So I dart to find a security guy. I feel a little bad at tearing him from the girl he's snogging on, but it's an emergency and he's cool about it.

So I relay the message over the radio. Ahhh. Done. I did good right?

I go back to the office

Ring Ring! I'm like, uh oh, what happened that they are calling down to me...

Steve: Where did he go?

Me: *trembling and still trying to copy those damn lists* Uhh, he was there, he must've hung up shit!

Steve: He doesn't like waiting Mandi, don't make me fire you! This is so important! And he's fussy about being called Dick. FIND ME!

So as I'm copying and trying to watch the phone and answering stupid questions about where we are located, flooded with calls as the two people waiting for me are getting impatient.

Did I mention the AC was broken and I'm sweating buckets by now?

So the phone lights up.

Me: Hello Spa

Man: This is Dick Hertz again. I really need Steve now he said for me to tell you to intercom him and find him.

Me: Okay hold on sir

Intercom? no. I call upstairs, he's not there I go outside and get a radio AGAIN, and tell him.

I get inside and see the light go from flashing (hold) to out (hung up)

Me: NOOO!!!

FUCKFUCKFUCK

I'm now shaking.

He calls right back: same conversation almost.

"Tell him that Dick Hertz from Over-Use is on the line, now!"

So I call upstairs again, they tell me I just need to intercom over the club to find him. *do it now!*

Over the club?? With 300 people here?? Okay...

So I get on the intercom and say:

Steve, Dick Hertz from OverUse is on the line for you!

And then I feel like it's over.

Moments pass

Ring Ring!

Steve: you stupid fucking receptionist *laughs* PUT IT TOGETHER!! It was a JOKE! Say it real quick! Jesus Christ you just announced to the whole club that Dick Hurts fron overuse is on the phone!! *laughs and pauses* Are you embarassed?

Me: *meekly* yes

Steve: It was an initiation. We do it to everyone, welcome to the family...*click*

So there I quake, not sure wether to laugh or cry with the door girl and the maitre 'd staring at me. I tell them it was all a joke. They crumble in shock, too and laugh slightly, feeling my pain, co-miserating.

And all I can think is how much I want to be left alone... So I finish the lists (which were set up as a distraction, just like the ringer and the no radio) and cry for a minute for being so dumb. I watch enough Simpsons, how did I miss that??

One of the bouncers brings me 6 drink tickets and says how they were all up there listening and how funny it was.

Great.

Steve calls down and offers to get me a sandwich from the deli, and a little later they tell me to come upstairs, they'll watch the phones for a minute.

I get up there and there's a big ol' strawberry cake with "Happy Birthday Dick" on it. So I eat my sandwich and some cake and we chat up there for a bit and I go back to work, not feeling so stupid anymore.

Amberly (who just quit - I replaced her) was at the club and came in to talk to me a bit and told me that they did it to her, too. And she fell for it, too. But that it means that they like me, that I'm *a good one*.

And before Steve leaves for the night he says, "Did you have fun tonight?" And I say yeah.

And after he shut the door, I realized that I actually meant it.