2001-09-07. friendship
=======
Sometimes the randomness of life and the wierd thing known as the world wide web is the most awe inspiring thing. Like a giant brightly lit orb in the sky that all you can do is look at, shielding your eyes, and saying, "Damn, will you look at that...".

It's strange and reaffirming how someone miles away can make you feel a little bit better, and then someone else, someone you've never even met in person, someone you could have set next to in a crowded resturaunt and never known that they were the person who you've been talking to, making you feel allright about yourself.

I started a Slambook. Mocksie put the idea in my head and so I went ahead and started my own. One of my questions is what you want from a friend. I answered it pretty simply and was reaffirmed by a friend, an accidental one at that. One I found through Mocksie, one named Cattail. He's proven to me that friends don't have to be close to be friends.

Friends are not about convenience or about location. They are about spirit and understanding. Moving away (which I've done many many times in my life) always shows you who *really* cares. Who is willing to make the tiny effort for your friendship. And in reality, it's less effort than if you lived close. But, it's an effort with a seemingly invisable payoff. That is, *you* don't get the gratification of saying that you went out and did *X* with *Y* and boy was it fun.

But I'm friends with people, to have fun with, yes, but because they stimulate me, they intrigue me, they care about me, are passionate like me, they can joke around and still know when to be serious. When to listen.

Listening is so underrated. Listening and hearing and understanding.

I can name specific instances that reaffirmed that certain people were true friends. Some were surprising. People I hadn't spent a lot of time with, and now that I'm gone, are precious to me. Some that I knew were important and constantly make me feel loved.

A friend that listened so close between my drunken lines on the phone to see into what I was really saying and later busted her ass to get me down there when it was not the easiest or cheapest thing.

A friend who I barely know who couldn't sleep halfway across the country without writing me an email to let me know I am loved and it'll be okay.

A friend who I never have hung out with for more than maybe an hour in large crowds but I know I can always be honest with and that made a special trip to stop by Jodi's house when I was in FL last just to say hi for two minutes and say that he was excited to see me.

A friend that sent me a drunken email rant to rally my spirits when I first moved to NY and was opressively lonely. I still have it saved.

One that went out of her way after years and years to find me even though we no longer have anything in common... Just the past, so long ago.

A friend in FL I never met until I went back and visited and asked me to watch his thesis film, and *truly* cared about my opinion.

And the one who didn't give up even though he knew I was moving away and has made me the luckiest girl I know.

I look at all this and I marvel that all this comes from distance. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Yes, Cattail, another hated cliche... But I don't think I agree with it. I think it just enables you to see a little clearer. It gives you perspective. It's hard to really see something if you are too close to it.

I've always maintained that sometimes you just need to be told that it's okay to do something to make you realize that you can do it. And sometimes I think that once you realize that, it may give you the power and the freedom to make the goal happen without having to do the *thing* you were trying not to do. But because you've simply accepted it as an option you are empowered to proceed as planned. Maybe it's just a kick in the ass. Or a confirmation of spirit.

My confirmation of NY spirit came in part last night from my friend Blake and in this form tonight, in an email:

"If you *do* move to Florida first. . . remember, it's *first*. It's not permanent. You're not resigning your hopes and plans. You're *not*. You're just making a tough, responsible decision to do what you need in the long run. At least, that's how I see it."

And that's what I want. To hear how people see it. I don't have to do it that way, but it gives me a little more power to act. Don't withhold you're opinion from a friend. Sometimes it's the fuel they need, whether they know it or not - they may not have thought of it quite that way before...