2001-09-09. pissing myself
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I've been manic lately. I know I can say that it's probibly because of my wacko hormones due to my birth control schedule getting all fucked because of holidays, and work therefore making me unable to get into Planned Parenthood to buy pills. But I don't like it. I feel psychotic. And I got a yeast infection. Which really sucks. So my crotch is really cranky and so is my brain. I keep getting snappy and freaking out and I feel so bad! I hate taking shit out on Alyx. I'm hoping by next week my body will be back to normal. And I go to the crotch doctor on Tuesday, so between healing yeast infection and that, I can't be having sex until Wednesday. And that's sucky, too. And even then it's iffy due to missing some pills... Ugh... It's hard trying to prevent pregancy.
It's hard having a vagina.
And I swear my bladder is not right. When I have to pee, I have to pee BAD. Which was fine for that phase in my past realtionship that included golden showers, but the thrill is gone with that, and now there is no upside to severe needs to urinate. It's especially bad in this city of mass transit. I get stuck on the subway and am in agony. When I drove myself I could always pull over. Now, it's like I'm trapped. If I were a boy I could just go inbetween subway cars. Even waiting for the train guys can pee without any sort of attention drawn to them. I have to find some cover for my naked ass and do my best to not piss all over my shoes. Which is really hard when you have to go really bad because it shoots out with amazing force. Alyx is constantly amazed that when I sit down to pee, there's no lag it's like BANG! Urine!
I wonder how many gallons of urine I produce... I think I'd be a lot. That's why I can't do the 8 glasses of water a day thing. I tried, but it made me so miserable, I had to give it up. I couldn't take it. Today, all I had to drink was a smoothie, half a Vitamin Water green tea and a cold peppermint tea. That's it! And I know I've been to the bathroom at least 5 times since I got to work at 6. I know because every time I have to go, I have to call upstairs to get someone to watch the phone for me. Sometimes I try to sneak off and be quick, but on busy nights like tonight it's really hard to get to the bathroom through all the cheezy people (...Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are even here tonight. Yuck.). I try to hold it so the girls upstairs aren't wondering what my problem is, or if I'm off doing god-knows-what in the bathroom, but I just can't, and with a yeast infection it's pretty painful to try.
In NY, most restrooms are open for customers only, so if we're walking around it makes it really hard. I have this fantasy of walking into a crowded restaurant and asking to use the bathroom, to which of course, they'll say no. In my fantasy it's a snooty french one like the one I worked at when I first moved here. So I tell the host that I really need to go. It goes back and forth and just as it starts to get a little loud and people are starting to notice, I back up and say "Fine!" and then pee all over the floor...
That's my favorite fantasy... Someday, I'll work up the courage to do that. But only if I remember a change of clothes.