2003-06-23. Here's a bad morning for ya...
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I hate today... Gah, where do I start? Well my weekend was good let�s just say that. Got my tattoo finished � I think it hurt more than last time, but whatever. It�s done and I love it.

Twice this weekend Aliester had knocked the extension arm off the hamster cage. Alyx rescued her from under the dishwasher yesterday morning, removing the bottom kickboard piece because he heard her scratching to get out. So we took the arm/tube off and just put her little outpost directly onto the main cage.

Last night we were at Allen�s until late, we got home at like 3 am. I shut my door locking the cat out at probably 3:30, I didn�t want him sitting on my tattoo while I slept. When we woke up this morning for work at about 8:15 Alyx went into the living room and I was brushing my teeth. He came in the room looking irritated and I got the idea that Aliester had fucked with Hammy again. He walked out and came back in again and told me that she was dead.

He hadn't even gotten her out of the cage. The cage was knocked about 5 feet from where it sits in the corner, the outpost and the water bottle strewn about and some of the litter had come out and was on the carpet, but not even as much as one would expect. We think she had a heart attack.

He knew he had fucked up. Before we even discovered Hammy, he ran under my bed and did not come out. I woke Melissa and told her. First thing she said was, �That fucking cat, I swear!� She will undoubtedly use this as an excuse to get rid of him. It�s probably the �out� she was looking for. Not that she really cared like I did for Hammy, I was about to clean the cage since it was long overdue and she�d rather spend time with her new boyfriend than take care of her menagerie.

She�ll probably ask if I want the cat, so it�s time for me to resolve my decision. I think I�m going to say no. I think I�m fooling myself that I really want to take care of such a dependant pet like that now. I have to recognize that or I�ll be no better than Melissa. I can�t take the noise. That noise that so much energy in the house makes. Too many creatures, they make my head hurt. And my heart hurt. Hammy had the best energy of all of us. She was the sweetest little thing and she really loved Alyx and I, she loved when we played with her, she loved being out with us. She loved to be petted. When she was awake and I�d walk by the cage she�d come out and climb up the cage over and over, straining her paws all the way to the top and then falling again, so I�d open the cage and she�d crawl out on my hand. Even if she was sleeping she�d come out when we called her (she did need a few minutes to get un-cranky, just like me ;) )

It won�t be the same without her.