2003-02-14. insert witty title here
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Sitting here at my desk choking on the rising bile in my throat caused by the hatred of the majority of the human race, I wonder why the fuck I don�t run, escape, dare to try to do what I love full time. And then I remember, oh yeah, because I�m a fucking realist. Well, that and I have no savings. Savings would be a crucial step to basically becoming unemployed. I wish I could just stay home, sell fake hair online, eventually adding other things to the site, growing business and all that. Send out headshots, get an agent, go on auditions. I need a start up! I also need more freaking time to get good at making these falls. They take so much time and I�m always so damn tired after work. I�d like to stop going out as much, Stay home more. Hell, right now I�m feeling exceedingly domestic. I want to have the house the husband the routine� The security. Hmf. Security. Yeah, like that�s gonna come anytime soon. Even our damn government is ripping away whatever chance I had for security. Fuckin forces working against me!

Mandi the Malcontent. WooHoo!

But really, I am basically happy. I actually do have security to an important degree. I�m actually *maybe* to the point where I can not worry about my bills so much. That I�ll have a little cushion to keep me sane. My parents came in and did the coolest thing ever, see. About three weeks ago they took out a loan for 10,000 bucks and gave my ass the money to pay off my credit cards and pay them back instead with a MUCH better interest rate � yeah I know how�d you get so in debt, blah blah blah. I�ve been reading here for a while now, all two of you, you fucking read about my pathetic ass in NY.

Holy fuck� I just remembered my dream last night. It was horrible, Alyx told me he was moving back to NY. Fuck. I was devastated, I wanted to go but new it was an insane and, well, stupid plan. Damn. Ick.

Sorry bout that, where was I? Oh yeah, living in New York. Yeah, go back and read the depression and financial SHIT I was in. So anyway, I am now paying half or what I was previously paying monthy which was just minimum payments, to paying double my minimum payments. So now I�ll pay it off in 7 years instead of 45! And paying one check every month on the same day rocks. I�m also going to include weird stickers and shit for my parents with every check. Liven it up a bit, ya know? See, paying bills can be fuuuuunnnn!