2003-03-17. We're not in Kansas anymore...
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I feel like I�m in a tornado lately. But like a particularly good tornado. One that has lots of dirt and shit flying around in it. It�s a very confusing tornado. I�m stressed that I may lose my job. Even though I actually hate my job. I hate the completely disorganized way the entire company seems to run. It�s all really haphazard and it taxes my brain. I really just wish I were making enough money to buy a new car. I have a feeling that repairing my current problems will easily be $500. I can�t do it and pay off the $800 brake job I had to just get. But then I think that if I don�t get it done there�s no way I can even think about reselling it. I just want to not think about the any number of things that could fall off of my car at any moment, or that I could now get reported for (smog)� I just wish I could have something in my life to rely on besides Alyx. Well, I guess I can safely say I can pay my rent� and the basic bills, but I feel like I�m getting sucked into the hole I just seemed to dig myself out of.

I think I need to shut myself up in the house for the next two months. Just stay in and save money. Read. A lot. If I want to go out I go to the movies, since I never seem to be able to go. Cook food at home. Maybe try a new dish every month or even every payday.

At least I have my living room back. Julian, my couch crashing friend or two months finally left, but not without us having to tell him to amscray and not without him complaining about how shitty his life is every three seconds and how shitty one weeks notice to leave is. He�s staying in a hostel since no one can take him in again. For someone who claims to be so very world weary and experienced he sure does mouth a lot of whiny bullshit...