2000-11-29. Yummy breakfast and self deprication
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As I rushed out of the door today, running late as usual, my boyfriend, standing in the kitchen naked (!), hands me a plate with a steaming Hot Pocket on it (broccoli and chicken, of course). I was so flustered by it. I was so happy, and wanted that hot pocket so bad. It made me think of when [another person form my past] would hand me Bagels with jelly on a plate as I left his apartment, fleeing to rehearsal/show. I didn't really have the heart to tell him that generally jelly made me feel sick , so I don't really eat it. But his never made me sick (that colon blow coffee, however, I had to refuse!). In fact it made me feel good the whole day. And I would stash the plate in my car and return it later. Today, I felt that rush again, but no car to stash the plate crippled me, I didn't know what to do! (it WAS early...) But Alyx just wrapped it in a napkin and I grabbed a baggie and got a yummy naked hug and I left. Chomping all the cold way to the subway. Happy thinking of him and the breakfast he made me. Knowing if he could of, he'd have made me lunch, too. Knowing that I have his eyes and lips to come home too gets me through the day. He's so special.

So I didn't move anything last night. I didn't want to lug those meager 3 items for the 10 blocks from subway to door, alone... I went and had wine and cheese with a friend.

My birthday is coming up. I want so many things for my birthday this year, I can't really decide what to tell my family. I keep telling Alyx I want "nothing, we can't afford it". And we can't. Most of all I want to feel pretty again. I get to this point while I am growing my hair, that it looks like crap, I can't afford a haircut, my roots are tree trunks, my eyebrows are beastly and it's not helping that I only packed clothes for a month, and now it's been two, and I was going crazy after the first two weeks. So I feel dumpy and boring and ugly... Poo.

I have cramps today. I have a poor attitude. I'm a mess. Am I broken? No, that's just an easy answer...As Pauly said once,"Please hand me the gun that shoots the self depricating bullets."