2001- May 1. family perspective
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Perspective changing... Why is that so damn difficult? Why is it so hard to just try to see something a different way? Do something another way than before? We want to cling to these beliefs and patterns so deeply that we will put our best interests in the path of destruction just so we won't look as if we've surrendered. So we won't look "defeated". When really, you will claim the greater victory just by opening up your scope of thought a bit and letting something new in...

I wonder why I get caught in middle of thingslike this. Do people know that I am some sort of sympathetic listener and will offer up honest advice? Or are they just vying(sp?) for my opinion? Wanting me to take their side? I think it's both. But I'm of course going to lean further to one side than the other and it would be silly to think that I won't probibly go towards the side I am more familiar with, the one where I can remember myself alone and struggling with the same crap and the same people.

I think a reason that I went through it when I did was so I could have enough time to gain perspective on it and share with the one I know who needs it now. Her situation is, on some levels, worse than mine, but better in some ways, too. That's just the nature of things.

But here I am, stuck between these people who love each other and while one side is being really mature and trying to accommodate, while the other is hiding behind an unwillingness to admit they may have been wrong all in the name of principles and honor. Roles reversed, topsy turvy.

And I want to scream at them for what they are too blind - whether it's by choice or naivite- to see.

What good is your honor and your principles if you loose your youngest child in the process? And some of the respect from your oldest? Why? When she's fighting so hard just because she loves you must you keep on this path which will push her out of your life?

...all this when you always say that family is always the most important thing...