2001 - May 2. where did the me I know I go?
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How does one get back in control of their life? I'm reading this book that says you need to change your patterns and perspective, be proactive and all that. Not let your situation control you. Well that's all fine and good, but I doubt the author has had to deal with the people I have affecting my life...

I hate sounding like I'm helpless, but it seems like no matter what we do we are still kicked to the ground. I'm supposed to be on a 30 day perspective changing exercise. I guess this is a pretty big challenge to get in day two!

I'm gonna write out our possibilities and present them to Alyx tonight. I guess it's time for me to take a bit of charge. I don't want to tell him what we are doing, to say *you* have to do this and I'm sorry that the solution may take away from *that*. But if the only choices we have left to keep everything *as is* don't work out then it's time for sacrifices. I just hate to tell him that he has to sacrifice...

IF I even have to do that...

At this point I'm mouthing off about nothing. We may be okay. It may work out perfect. It may be better than we ever dreamed... May, someday, when, if Shit Shit Shit...

I can't concieve how one person can go through life being so insanely selfish. I would think that after a while, you'd take a look at all the *assholes* in your life and realize that they are not all out to get you because a conspiracy of that size would even be to bizarre for the X-Files. What makes one think that every person you know is looking to scam you? Oh, wait, I know - because *you* make a point to scam everyone.

It is interesting how we really do create our own environment. Yet, I'm waiting for all the help and love to find it's way back to me soon. Or at least get me to LA. Grrr...

....~*~*~....

I had some scary WonTon soup... I think it was kitty... I only ate a few bites...I feel really sick...

:(