2001-08-16. Hypno-circles of life
=======
It's funny the roads that life takes you down. I have trouble with people who don't believe in fate and in Karma. You are perpetually learning lessons and paying for your actions. It really takes a lot of weight of off myself now that I can surrender to letting the gods smite people instead of seeking retribution myself. I find that I can move past that person or incident much quicker than before.

Haboring resentment is like keeping a toxin under your skin, infecting your spirit. I try to listen to my heart and do the right thing...

I try. But it's really hard. I've been wondering lately what I did to deserve some of the crap that I've been getting. I'm hoping it's more of a preperation for later in life. Teaching me to appreciate when it's good.

It's exhausting, living like this. Running around, scraping by, hoping that something will change, something will give. It's aging me. And I don't like that.

I keep wondering if I'm doing something wrong. Every little thing I do, I seem to scrutinize lately. *Is that the best thing to do?* Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting all alone. Maybe I just feel overburdened. I bet Alyx feels the same way. But I wish I could turn over some responsibility to him.

I'm not one to usually ask for help. But, now, I'm almost desperate to ask, and I'm terrified of rejection...

Typical.