2002-09-27. In the closet
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I find I do these weird little comfort things� I sit at work, long after my CD is over, wearing my headphones with no music playing. I just like the feeling of them. Of the sounds of the office muffled a bit. Like I can hide from all these people and this madness. Like they don�t exist. I think that�s another reason I enjoy riding on the motorcycle, hiding in my helmet but feeling free at the same time.

I also noticed the other night, after PJ peed on Melissa�s bed again, that when I called Alyx and was upset, I did something that I had done a couple weeks ago when he and I had some conversation that I was crying in� While on the phone, I went and sat in my closet and cried. I debated on curling up and sleeping there. I felt safer, like no one could get to me there, like all my problems existed outside my door. I haven�t had a walk in style closet in a long time. My closet at my parents house was very small, but you could take a step or two inside. I used to sit in there and sneak phone calls after 10. I got busted a few times and got grounded. I would sit in there with my blanket and pillows and talk. I thought it was weird that my instinct took me right back in there. To hide. To feel safe and protected�.