2002-11-26. My brain hurts a lot
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MEH meh MEH meh�
I had a very nice weekend. Started off with losing control of some substances and having a very nice private birthday party with my lovely. *sigh* Took him to the airport early Saturday. Got back and slept late late late. Took my car to Firestone to get new tires and alignment so I can stop freaking out. I luckily qualified for a Firestone credit card so I could actually get tires since the total was 275 bucks. Ugh. Great, I get to pull that out of my ass somehow! Floundered rather heavily on whether or not I was going to Produqt. I really wanted to go, but when I began passing out on the couch at 8:30, I knew staying out till 4 am was a bad idea. So I stayed in and SLEPT some more! Woke up and Alyx called from Florida on break from traffic school � what a way to spend your birthday!
We went back to Adrian�s after for pizza and beer and movie watching. So much good fun. Then Vanessa and I had a threesome with Britney Spears! Aww yeah! We scooted on over to Velvet, where I had a very good time � even though I bought two beers there *mistake*. We danced to all sorts of weird shit and Erin said she�d call Vanessa and I about becoming dancers!! Which is great, I need the dough and the exercise.
Managed to drag my ass into work yesterday feeling dead, had my callback for the gameshow which went pretty well, I suppose *crosses fingers*. Went home and plunked my ass on the couch and watched a couple episodes of 24 on DVD�
So there�s what I did, now here�s how I feel. CRAPPY. I feel crappy. I am broke and am trying to swing creative bill payment again. I spent way more money than I should have Sunday. Which is really sad. I really just wonder what the fuck I can do to get my life on track, to pay off my credit cards and to still manage to have a decent time. I�m so over my job. I�m bored as hell and not outputting as much as I know I should be, but my apathy is eating away at me. Grrr. My room is a fucking mess and I can�t afford to get the dresser I need to put the clothes piled up everywhere away. My dog keeps puking on my bed, even though I�ve paid a bunch of money to have her allergies treated so she won�t puke on my bed. Sometimes I just want to tell everyone and everything to fuck off, that I need to be alone; that unless you can help me sort out my life or keep me distracted I just will be in my hole, hiding�
I just feel kind of selfish right now, malcontent and selfish. Mandi the Malcontent is back, did you really think she�d be gone for long? I can�t help you if I can�t even help myself, though trying at least provides me with a distraction� So don�t expect much from me anyone, please.
God damn it� David Bowie� I kiss you, you�re beautiful� and always my refuge�. My brain hurts a lot�